The Reveal
I volunteered to write Read For The Eve this week because I knew I had something to say, I just didn’t (and don’t) know what I had to say. It’s literally my job to read these every week and every one is very good and inspiringly unique with an overarching call to action. As I sat down to write this, I tried to think of a profound call to action that could appeal to the masses and create a new wave of positive change but I’m honest enough to admit that these days I don’t feel like much of an expert on anything.
Every time I get on social media, I’m reminded why people say that comparison is the thief of all joy. I log on Twitter and it seems like everyone has it all figured out and they’re doing everything right and I’m not doing enough. In today’s social climate, it feels like there can only be one way to think, one way to be successful, one way to create positive change. Typically, I’d never be this candid about the inner workings of my mind, but I came to a realization.
Nobody truly has it all figured out. Social media is an illusion where we all only post our wins. These days it’s easy to get wrapped up in competitions about who’s more “woke” or who seems “happiest” in the midst of a pandemic to distract from our personal fears and insecurities but it’s important to remember that very few people are willing to share their darkness along with their light.
Upon further self-reflection, I realized that I have become one of those people that portrays a super shiny persona to the world when in all actuality, I’m in a stage in my life where I feel constantly uncertain.
I am a 22 year old first-generation college graduate that went from being completely unsure if I’d be able to go to college at all to giving a TEDx talk, being invited to the Forbes Under 30 Summit, studying abroad in Germany, and leading two protests in a 15-month span. I was a Sport & Entertainment Management major but I stumbled into the world of politics via activism.
Life comes at you fast.
Now, I’m an Associate at CityBright, LLC, a South Carolina-based political and public affairs consulting firm as well as the Co-Founder and Director of Engagement at Secure The Ballot, a voter registration non-profit in the Southeast.
Despite beating the odds several times, in the midst of this uncharted territory called my life, imposter syndrome still runs wild. I constantly wonder if I belong in the spaces that I’m in. Anxiety overwhelms me so much at times, to the point that I hide in bed for hours. I’m so used to being strong publicly and privately that I view any signs of vulnerability as weakness. In my quests to carry the world on my shoulders, I sometimes push away the people who love me.
My rollercoaster of a college career abruptly ended in a tragic global pandemic and that causes me more sadness that I could ever put into words. I work in a field that has nothing to do with my degree and I often feel unprepared for the responsibilities I’ve taken on. On top of that, public service isn’t exactly the highest paying job sector in the world. Moral of the story: I get stressed quite a bit.
When I was little, I wanted to be a pediatrician. Then, I wanted to be an astronaut (until I found out astronauts couldn’t have asthma). Then, I wanted to be a lawyer. Then, I wanted to be a musical theatre playwright. Then, I wanted to be a music teacher. Then, I wanted to be a sport agent. Then, I wanted to be a chief diversity officer. And now?
I want to be a bridge.
I want the best version of myself to show up in the Earth everyday to hold down my corner of the Kingdom of God.
I want my faith, my heart for social justice, and my passion for politics to intersect and bear fruit in a way that I’ve never really seen happen before.
None of these things were options on the Workkeys test back in high school (that definitely would’ve made for an awkward job shadowing experience growing up lol) but truly that’s who I want to be.
A lot of the times I drive myself up the wall because I want to live up to some idealistic dream but to be completely honest, I never could’ve dreamt this because none of this has ever happened before. A year ago, it wasn’t a possibility for three Black women under 30 in South Carolina to run a political consulting firm. Six months ago, it wasn’t an option to take the reigns of Generation Z & Millennial voter registration and engagement in the Southeast. I’m literally standing in a move of God and as terrifying as it may be at times, it’s also the most rewarding and fulfilling work I’ve ever done in my life. We’re building the dream as we go and I’m learning to be okay with that.
I’m learning to celebrate my tiny victories. I’m learning how to love the people around me better and how to be loved in return. I’m learning to let God qualify my calling and to follow His plan for my life, as much as I don’t understand why He picked me at times. I’m finding beauty in working alongside two incredible Black women (and Cory!) that simply just get it. I’m finding beauty in the nights I’m up at 2 am writing down new ideas that come to me. I'm finding beauty in the days I can laugh to my heart’s content and that may be my only “win” of the day.
One of my favorite scriptures is Romans 8:19 which says “For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed.”
There’s a lot of pressure right now to save the world from all of its problems and deal with all the stresses in our personal lives while pretending to have it all under control.
Believe it or not, vulnerability is a sign of strength, not weakness. It’s okay to be “in progress”. You don’t have to have all the answers, but you must continue to get back up and show up, even if the world knocks you down.
With all of the inequity that’s happening in the world, we need all hands on deck to turn it around. You may not think you have a lot to offer but I guarantee you that it’s more than enough. The world is waiting for you just as you are. Not a cookie cutter persona or a “perfect Patty”, we need YOU.
Reveal yourself.
