Today marks 5 years since giving my life to Christ. You probably think I’m going to run through the cliche scriptures and Psalm 23 you to death and talk about how everything is gonna get better and we’re all primed for a miracle and although that may be true, I’d much rather share five honest truths I’ve gathered from my relationship with the Lord.

1. I spent at least half of the past 5 years being doubtful of God to the point where I was almost agnostic. Especially with a background championing for social justice and inclusivity, I got dissuaded by religion and feeling like I couldn’t complete the checklist to be a perfect Christian and because of that, I wasn’t able to have a RELATIONSHIP with God. Seeing religion instead of forming a relationship, I was unaware that He’s not in the business of casting judgment or shame, he’s in the business of freedom and love. Just how I believe in justice and equity, God believes in that too. The Kingdom of the Lord is open to all and man has no authority to cancel who God has called.
2. Having a relationship with God ain’t always sweet but it’s always worth it. Sometimes I feel the Holy Spirit so strongly that it’s almost annoying to but it’s the truly greatest comfort I’ve ever known. If I’m putting something off or if I’m rejecting an opportunity or if I’m overlooking something or someone, I know He’s going to tug on my heart until I look again. I’m used to having to figure out and fix everything but with Him, I find solace. With Him, I don’t have to be a giant, I just need to be Lyric, His daughter, His heir, His friend. Being broke and participating in tithing was (and is still) hard. Sometimes I’d be down to my last $20 that I needed to make stretch for 2 weeks but I would still put 5 or 10 towards tithing because I knew He’d make a way for me. And made a way, He sure did and always does. Trusting God with your finances, especially when you don’t have much finances to begin with, is very difficult but it is so worth it. Writing in my prayer journal and reading my Bible used to feel like chores but now, sometimes it’s the only thing that can provide me peace. I had to realize that a large part to getting to know God for yourself is understanding that your worship and your relationship with God isn’t meant to look like everyone else’s.
3. Every relationship in my life changed when I allowed God to step into them. For some relationships in my life, it meant that they simply could not continue any longer or maybe I needed to create some boundaries and as much as it hurt, I had to be okay with that. However, through my relationship with God, I found and strengthened relationships with some of the greatest friends I’ve ever known. These are the people who chased me down and spoke God’s love to me in a way they only they could when I couldn’t see it for myself. The people who hold me accountable in the best way, the people who make talking about faith so normal that I wonder how was I living in situations where I wasn’t doing this before. These are the people that when life gets hard, they fight with their praise and worship and empower me to do the same.
4. I am still not perfect and I never will be and that’s okay. I make mistakes daily and in the midst of every “accomplishment” I’ve had, particularly over my college career, I always felt unqualified or unworthy but I’ve learned that God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called. When the world deems me an underdog, He calls me a frontrunner. When I see myself as small, He anoints me to hold down my corner of the world to establish His kingdom in places I never thought I’d ever be in. He doesn’t want me to be perfect, He just needs me to know that He’s going to be there with me, turning my pain into purpose, ordering my steps, and using me for His glory.
5. You can never drift so far that you can’t go home. Contrary to popular belief, being a Christian is not all rainbows and daisies. There are some seasons that feel like a spiritual drought even if you’ve been praying daily and reading your Bible and going to church. Sometimes you’re going to fall off the wagon, Lord knows I have a few times. The beauty of God’s Grace is that it never runs out and His love will always chase us down. He’s waiting on you. He still wants you. He still loves you. He still has a purpose and plan for you.

During these times of uncertainty, even for those who have faith made of steel, praise and worship isn’t always something we feel like doing. It’s easy to wonder “Is God good still while my circumstances aren’t good?” However, no matter how bad the battle seems, the answer is and always be yes. I know the depression He brought me out of, I know the purpose He crafted from my pain, I know the way He made when there was no way, I know the scholarships He made from disappointing financial aid packages, I know the provision He made from pennies, and most importantly, I know He loved me even and especially when I ran from Him. 5 years down in the greatest love I’ve ever known, a lifetime to go.